I find out what sex the wee parasite is tomorrow. I don’t like people asking me if I prefer a boy or girl in general because to state a preference is to be disappointed if it isn’t fulfilled, and I can’t do anything about what kind of netherbits the kid has, you know? But what I like less is that if I venture to say I like girls because I am a girl or I would like to be able to name a boy after my father, the response is often an indictment of teenage girls. If I say the former, it’s, “Oh, but girls are so much trouble when they’re teenagers!” and if it’s the latter, it’s, “Boys are so much easier than girls!”
The implication is clear: Teenage girls are a burden and no one really wants to raise them. They’re sort of a necessary evil, like getting chicken pox when you’re young used to be. In short: I hate this. I find it reductive, stereotyped, and, yes, sexist.
I think there are two broad reasons for this attitude: 1. Society more harshly judges teenage girls (not to mention grown women) for their “bad” behavior than it does their male counterparts. 2. Engaging in this “bad” behavior places teenage girls at greater risk for harm than their male counterparts.
The sexual double-standard is the most obvious example of number one — it’s the old “slut vs. stud” attitude. Sex is, I suspect, what is behind most people’s classification of teenage girls as “trouble.” A girl coming into sexual maturity can be terrifying for parents not only because of attitudes about girls’ sexuality in general but also because of the risk of pregnancy. Teenage girls bear more consequences of pregnancy than teenage boys do — both physical and societal.
Sex is behind number 2, as well. If a teenage girl is getting drunk or high or staying out late at night, the fear is always that she will be raped. This is an unfortunate reality of being female — you have to keep a wary thought on the possibility of being assaulted.
But what is behind the “trouble” in these two reasons? Nothing that is actually teenage girls’ fault! Parents would have a lot fewer anxieties about their daughters’ sexuality if they were open about educating their daughters about sex and were more communicative than have an unspoken mandate that their daughters not have sex (as was the case in my family). And violence against girls is not their fault, either. It is the fault of the people who commit violence against them — they are the real trouble, and if people didn’t buy into the attitude that teenage girls are trouble, they might realize that boys need to be taught to respect girls and women.
Another reason I hear people condemn teenage girls is that they are so emotional and so demonstrative about it, more so than is comfortable for most people. I was like this — I recall doing a lot of screaming and wailing and sobbing when I was a teenager (as well as a lot of laughing and joking and having fun). But so what? From what I’ve observed about teenage boys, they’re not any less moody — but they tend to brood angrily and be closed off an uncommunicative. I don’t think that’s any better. Adolescence is challenging for everyone, no matter if you’re a girl or a boy or a parent of either.
So once I start telling people what I find out tomorrow, if anyone gives me a “Watch out for when she’s a teenager!” if it’s a girl or a “You dodged a bullet!” if it’s a boy, they’re going to get an earful. I am tired of teenage girls being maligned, and I intend to stand up for them.
